whatever i am to whomever

Fairy-tales depict a love.

That love being so strong that nothing comes between it.

         No person, lie, hate, or destruction...

Our hearts feel so much, burrowing and reeling inside our chests.

Yet as we feel it, it doesn't always seem to be for the good.

In fact disappointment is so much easier to set upon the focus of our eye.

When so much good is hidden on the outskirts of our sight.

Our mind plays tricks upon our souls, giving our hearts tunnel vision.

And that which we perceive are sorrows we would soon wish to forget.

Yet so much within me, within my being, my heart, and within my soul wishes to grasp that love.

That single moment when the person your with weights upon more importance than anyone before.

So much that desire beats.

That i desire to live not in fear and seclusion of my soul.

Wrong-doings and faults from before lay lame beside my desire for forgiveness.

I am not the boy i used to be, i am more than the person i was and have been labeled to be.

The frays forgive me my past and i yours, reigns true to my veins.

Though these are but words.

There is no satisfaction for pains and wounds i've given or received.

And, although fear gives not forbearance.

I seek forgiveness and not the petty words whilst the mind seethes.

But for truth and for the love upon its eventful delivery.

Is that enough?

Is sorry enough when forgiveness is a word left far behind?

                                                       

the crossing paths we walk

My ways have crossed one another.

Some have said that at a crossroad is where you make life altering affects.

My crossroad is inside me.

My heart tears because my mind moves me in ways that do my love no justice.

Who is this boy i've become?

Because i am not a man, not the man i used to be; or the one i long to be.

Only a sad and sorrowful remanence of who i once was.

How can i say to my dreams, "I am coming."?

I left my dreams to become what i am to this day.

Many fight for what matters, if any that be worth at all.

  Change finds them.

Others walk away and stay where they're at, because they left change to those which contain a brave heart.

For there's were to weak to change.

What if who they are is and continues to be a coward, a terrible person...

Without change you are left with your fault.

Where do you go when your faults surpass your name?

Where have i to go when i am left with this name?

                                                  

to hand you what will tear you apart

Happiness, feels alot like sorrow.

Let it be, and it will leave you all alone.

Happiness, is just outside my window

As i watch, sealed inside a house still burning.

Happiness, left me so many times before

So how could i, try to bring it into my home, my heart?

Happiness, made my heart feel so warm

But when it left, brought me to my knees outside and in the cold.

Happiness, just isn't for my heart to feel

Because when i hurt, I'm supposed to act like everything is fine.

Happiness, doesn't care about my problems

So happiness, i won't let you in my heart.

                                                 

to be intimate?

So far from grace have you fallen this day.

The beginnings of the man you once were and meant to be has left you, like a lonely ship lost at sea.

Hoping to port at a land of plenty, whilst tossed upon waves of misdirection.

The faith and hopes you once held upon your heart have slipped onto your sleeve.

What is there to be intimate?

You've left everything you loved to be, to run, flee from the loves you lost.

And, now after the flight of the weak, discovered that the loves you left were only fleeting fits of brief joy, hiding the underlie.

Disguised were your hopes, if they were that at all.

Deception at it's best, if i were to call it.

                                                  

Questions

Does this darkness have a name?

This cruelty this hatred

How did it find us?

Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it?

What happened to us?

That we now send our children out to the world like we send young men to war;

Hoping for their safe return, but know that some would be lost along the way

When did we lose our way?

Consumed by our shadows and swallowed whole by the darkness

Does this darkness have a name?

Is it your name?

                                      

Love tries to kill me

There is no place for the broken hearted or the lost and insufficient.

No fairy-tale land where dreams may come.

No affirmation to those seeking answers to questions long lost.

The tortured and insecure hide in pain inside a room of grievously lost hope.

No place to go when things get hard, or to run to your land of good things when all is lost to you.

Only you are trapped in the circle of guilt and insufficient morrow inside your chest.

Bleeding out such passions to which you long to hold.

They sift away as the sand running through your clutched hands as you plead for some semblance to stay with you.

They left you...

Barren, empty and dry.

                                                                          

reach not

Let loose the things that you hold dear, friend.

For with the dealings of close passion comes the disappointment of rejected loves.

Saving yourself from the reality of cruel fate and its ironic composure upon our lives.

To hold in those urges to let loose your faults into another's care.

People always leave.. 

And the reality of such truths will hopefully stay your hand.

Because the moment you let loose your demons, is the moment those you though were close to you

Behave such as strangers. 

No one, not a single life at all truly will care for you in careless love.

Everything is conditional.

And those you once thought were to be with you always

Are forever lost to you.

Only in your mind can you touch that which you seek.

What a foul thing the imagine plays upon our hearts...